I wrote another thing, few weeks back
Jul. 27th, 2016 08:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
It's pretty heavy going but I'm glad I wrote it.
http://ordinary-gentlemen.com/2016/06/16/introretrospective-ii-violence-family-and-loss/
http://ordinary-gentlemen.com/2016/06/16/introretrospective-ii-violence-family-and-loss/
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 02:56 am (UTC)I hope that this speaking out will reach others who are silent out of fear.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 09:12 pm (UTC)I think the shadow is still there, tbh - if anything it's harder now than it has been at some times in the past, because I'm so much more aware of everything (dissociation can be a blessing), but haven't gotten to the point in the work where it's mostly resolved yet. And on some level, there's just stuff that never goes away, you know? I'd love to think I won't still be feeling the physical effects of living that way 20 years from now, but it seems rather unlikely.
But still, the overall effect of the work I've done has been a blessing. Akin to how much lighter my head always felt when I got a hair cut when I was a teenager - just hoping it eventually feels as much lighter as my head did the first time I shaved off all my hair :D.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-30 03:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-31 07:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 02:59 am (UTC)And it's been MONTHS! What shall we do next?
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 09:13 pm (UTC)We're out of town this weekend, superbusy next weekend, I'm out of town the following weekend, then we're doing hard labor for friends the weekends before and after labor day.
What are you doing Labor Day weekend?
no subject
Date: 2016-07-29 02:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-29 04:34 am (UTC)I will see if I can make Jay go to a party or not. If not, maybe we can visit a different day that week? Or I could come up for party and y'all could come down a different day that month.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-30 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-31 08:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 09:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 07:11 pm (UTC)So much love to you and yours.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 09:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 08:48 pm (UTC)I'm glad you wrote this; it was obviously hard to do so. It could help somebody in need.
Woman runs away from potential trouble in Canada to the United States. Man bites dog. Film at 11:00. Good riddance to bad trash. That good part of him wasn't enough to prevent him from leaving a trail of human destruction.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 09:19 pm (UTC)The reason I seem so well adjusted is that I was trained to seem well adjusted in public pretty much from the time I was a baby. So much of my struggle has actually been letting those walls down, and embracing the parts of me that are "too crazy" for public consumption, in order to even be able to start to heal them and accept therapeutic help. It's absolutely a reflex for me to work as hard as possible to seem as reasonable, calm, and moving-in-the-right-vector as possible any time I feel even a tiny bit exposed. Or to display unrelated weakness / frivolousness / ebullience / etc to hide whatever I'm actually feeling.
Before all this happened, I could probably count the number of non-immediate-family who knew even a portion of how screwed up I am without running out of fingers. Hard to say since one of the things I used to do was dissociate from the knowledge that anybody knew any of it.
Thank you for reading, and for commenting.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 09:47 pm (UTC)It occurs to me that if I knew you were carrying all this around, I might never have suggested you read my extremely fucked up fiction. I'm glad you did, and I'm glad you liked it, but wow.
no subject
Date: 2016-07-28 09:56 pm (UTC)I am glad you read this, and that you're proud of me, and I really appreciate your care and support over the years. It doesn't need to be steady in volume for me if I know it is steady in meaningfulness :)